November 10, 2013 § Leave a Comment
It’s the National Heroes’ Day in Indonesia today, and I would like to talk about how we are all forgetting to be our own heroes sometimes. Of course, before all that, I would like to say my appreciation and gratefulness to all the people who heroically made Indonesia such a country that we have today. It’s not perfect, definitely, but it’s here, it’s incredibly beautiful, and it’s ours. Thank you, national heroes.
Anyway! You know how life sucks? Yeah, it’s never a perfect ride. From day one of our lives, just by knowing our genitals, people have assumed the kind of lives we will be living. Oh that baby has a weenie so it’s gonna be a guy who’s physically really strong and works for the military! Oh that baby doesn’t have a weenie so it’s gonna be a girl who is going to be really gentle and a great mother! Don’t even think about the possibility of them having a gender not conforming to their biological sex, it’s not normal and it’s not gonna happen. And DEAR LORD of course they’re not gonna be gay, that’s wrong!
Ooh gosh okay, that’s probably a bit too much to start this posting with, but please bear with me for a bit.
We live in a world where there are norms in the society that just kind of predict how everyone’s life is going to be. When we finally find ourselves and realize that we are way more than just rules and regulations, they are going to look at us weird. Judgements are going to be everywhere and according to different standards that they have. Also, people are going to think that they are right because they know better, okay, you just shut up and do what they tell you to.
Not everybody is going to be like that, of course. I think more people of the younger generations have started to think clearly and see common sense. We have started to see the differences as just differences and not abnormalities, and accepted them, so it’s going to be a bit more bearable after this. But still, life just has to suck sometimes in definition, and what we can do is we can be our own heroes.
Now, don’t get this illusion that I know everything there is in life and I can dictate to you what it means to be your own hero, because I don’t, and I can’t. What I can tell you is that I think by holding on and staying strong through whatever is happening in your life right now, you are doing it perfectly: being your own hero. I understand that this ride called life is not smooth, and sometimes we just feel like stopping.
But you know what? We’re here! We’re still here and we’re fighting!
We have made mistakes. We have hurt people. People have made mistakes and they, too, have hurt us. Do we want this cycle to destroy us? No, we don’t. We want to learn from what has happened and become a better person. And for that, we are being heroes! I think we are doing awesome for having gone through a lot of things and still being here and seeing what today has got in store for us. I think we are fabulous for not giving up.
There are times that may make us feel like “Oh, this is too hard, I don’t know why I’m even bothering any more.” Don’t worry, I get that. But I also know that there are people out there who care about us. Try talking to our parents about what’s bothering us, or friends, or family members. Reaching out is not a sign of weakness, my friends: it’s a sign of strength. We don’t have to go through this thing called life alone because nobody can do that. Also, we’re not alone! It may be a bit hard to believe right now if we’re in a really tricky situation, but try to remember. There’s gotta be someone who cares (there is).
But when no one’s available, hey, no worries. There are wonderful people who will be there for us. Try befrienders.org for instance, they can be contacted through emails and phone calls, and we can even set up appointments for face-to-face meetings. They have helped me a lot, and I’m sure they can do the same for you. There are also other services that are available in your regions, look it up. We are not alone, and we can do this life thing brilliantly!
Okay, I hope this post isn’t as messy as it seems. But just remember to be your own hero, okay? We are all here right now, and we’re great. Also, there’s a quote by John Lennon that says “Everything is gonna be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” And you know what, I think it’s totally true. Congratulations on still being here in this moment, you have done well. Good luck and have fun for the rest of the ride! We can do this!
October 9, 2013 § 1 Comment
There was a period of time where I wasn't a big fan of anime anymore. I mean I was, I enjoyed the medium, but there weren't really any new series I actually liked. I mean I still liked more serious or artful anime films that would pop up and catch my attention but in general most shows that were suddenly popular with a lot of people never appealed to me much.
October 4, 2013 § Leave a Comment
I finished reading Insurgent with abundant amount of love for it, but when I read the reviews I could see a lot of hate. Which is fine, of course, everyone is entitled to their own opinions on how good/bad a book is, but let me just say mine a little bit, over here. (Also if you have not read Insurgent and/or Divergent, I suggest you look elsewhere.)
- Tris and Four – Now, now. I’m sure we were all very in love with their romance in Divergent, because there was a lot of fluff (which is good! Fluff heals the soul. I love fluff). But when we get into Insurgent, where everything is just chaos and death and decisions that have to be made quite hastily and often end badly, we can’t have two teenagers still insanely crazy for each other, no. There are events in their lives that make it difficult for them to trust each other as easily as before, and don’t you think that is realistic? Because I do. I also think that this is necessary in order for them and their relationship to mature. The development of Tris in this book is the biggest factor on why I gave it 5/5. Tris is able to recognize that she is her own self and therefore she makes her own decisions. I admire this girl!
- Factions and Divergence – The idea of human beings being divided into different and very distinct parts of society based on their dominant personality traits does seem a bit far-fetched, doesn’t it? But let me remind you that this is a dystopian fiction work, in which it has been this way for a long time. People have grown more accustomed to this system, to the point where they have stereotypes about each other and grow affiliation and distaste on each other. This is how this world works. This particular world. Even if it seems a little illogical in our world, it’s not so in this world. Hence why Divergents are special: because they don’t succumb to the one-dominant-trait-per-faction thing. Even if this is normal in our world, again, it is not so in their world.
The pacing, the exploration of the world, the development (or lack of it) of minor characters, and other stuff work differently in each reader’s minds. Some like them, some don’t: okay. These two points were just opinions I wanted to share.
September 15, 2013 § Leave a Comment
I’m so done with people.
Stop saying destructive stuff. Saying “come on, it’s just a joke” doesn’t mean the damage hasn’t been done.
You have NO IDEA what goes on in my head.
If you have nothing nice to say–shut up.
September 14, 2013 § Leave a Comment
Go on the “suicide” tag on Tumblr, I dare you. Go right now.
These people seek help, they need attention and love. Some people respond with “you attention whore”, which is crazy and cruel. OF COURSE they seek attention, that’s what they need! As if you can live while thinking that people don’t notice you, that they don’t care, that they don’t really need you. Why would you do that? Why would you tell someone they’re worthless? It’s hard enough as it is to keep living. Have you never thought about how your simple bullying could really end up in someone taking away their own life? Murderer.
There are also responses that sound like, “oh honey, come and talk to me. I’ll be here for you.” I’m sure the intention is good. I’ve been there before. I’ve sent messages saying “please don’t end your life, you are beautiful, you are important, you are worth it all.” Now I realize that they are not more than mere lies, are they? I’ve never met these people, I don’t know what they look like, I have no idea what kind of people they are except for their depression… Did I do that for my own satisfaction? To know that, oh, at least I tried, you know? At least I told them that dying is bad. I’m a good person this way.
Well can they believe me? I know nothing of what they’ve gone through. And to their knowledge, my life is just this happy bubble and colorful rainbows. What do I possibly know? If I say I understand how they feel, of course they will snort at me. Hah! You know nothing of my pain! Which is true. I cannot possibly understand their pain.
I’ve seen messages that say “you are beautiful, you are not alone, you are irreplaceable.” But this is a bit hard to believe. I don’t feel beautiful, there’s no one here for me, and honestly, I think people in my life don’t really need me. How do I make people believe that their thinking of ending their life is a mistake when I can’t make them believe that they are wanted and loved? I want to stop saying vague things like “life will get better” because they’ve probably heard this a million times and felt no changes in their lives. WHEN will life get better? HOW? I’ve done what I can. Now I just want to end this pain.
I can’t stop thinking about this.
September 14, 2013 § Leave a Comment
Okay, it’s 3:12AM and I’ve just had horrible thoughts these past few days and I’m going to try working it out by typing it here. I’m aware that once I hit “publish” practically the whole world has access to this post but right now I’m just going to do it. I think I need this.
So as much as I hate admitting this, I think right now I’m at a vulnerable state in which I view myself as someone not worth the time and interaction. No seriously, all I think about is how bad my life is when obviously other people have it rougher than me. I can still eat, I am pursuing a higher level education, I’m just… I’m so blessed, okay? But somehow it’s still not enough for me. It’s driving me crazy thinking how much I’m behaving like an ungrateful bastard but it’s me. It’s me. I basically think I am the main character of a story that is my life and everyone in the world needs to care for me.
But they don’t, okay, they have their own problems. Someone’s dog is pissing all over their furniture. Someone’s boyfriend is sleeping with ten other girls and probably three other guys. Someone’s mom just passed away. Someone’s house is being burned. Someone’s country is at war.
Still, though, it will be nice to know that someone cares about me. Don’t get me wrong–I have friends, wonderful ones. But we don’t come from the same background and we enjoy different things and I just can’t be with them 24/7, okay. They have their own lives and they have other friends that are not me. BUT I’M LONELY.
I am suddenly so much aware that nobody in this world, ABSOLUTELY NO ONE, will choose me as their first priority. Wow. I understand that that is something that I can’t get from casual friends or even family, but I feel like I need someone to be there for me just to listen to me whenever I want. I know I’m as important as everybody else in the world, but somehow I need someone to remind me of that because right now I just don’t believe it. I hate how weak I get whenever I think like this.
People tell me many things about what they think of me, but somehow I just absorb the negative ones. I need to lose weight, I need to freaking fix this acne-invested face UGH GROSS, I’m super short have I tried drinking something wonderful called milk?????? WOW I KNOW I’M NOT THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON, and I know I’m not the most hardworking person, and I know I haven’t made the slightest change in the world… But.
I hate myself right now gosh. I’m so sorry for existing.
September 4, 2013 § Leave a Comment
It’s getting harder and harder to believe that I actually deserve what I want, what I see other people have. It’s hard to believe in myself when I’m easily dismissed, understanding that I am perfectly replaceable because there are THOUSANDS of other people better than me.
Don’t tell me I deserve better, don’t tell me it will come, don’t tell me I’m just not aware of it yet. I DON’T HAVE IT. OKAY? DON’T LET ME BELIEVE IN SOMETHING I CAN’T HAVE.