We never thought of ourselves as a club capable of doing things as big as he suggested. The biggest event we have ever held was the anti-nuclear exhibition, and it was only big because we cooperated big time with Soka Gakkai Malaysia. What Prof. Ulas suggested was way bigger than this exhibition. We are honored that he views us as a club full of youth capable of doing something of a national scale in a few years, but at the same time, we are also both nervous and thrilled to see what we can actually achieve.

“People say aim for the stars and you get the moon, and it’s true,” he said, and I thought, why didn’t we aim that high? I guess because we only think of PSYCH Club as another extracurricular activity and not more than that. I mean, if only we are totally devoted to Psychology and the club, we may have been able to do things that are greater than a few fundraising events (although, having great tom yum fish balls in every one of them is really great). We did manage to organize a visit to a well-known mental hospital, though, but we shouldn’t be satisfied with only that.

Okay, let’s do this! I’m excited to see which ones of his suggestions that we can actually do with the current committee. Time to aim for the stars, Psychos!

PS: The term “Psychos” refers to the members of our PSYCH Club, no bad meaning intended.

This is why it kills me to remember that I’m going back to Malaysia again by the end of the week!

Anyway, I hope you guys had a great time, too!

I’ve been home for more than a week now. It’s been pleasant. It should be more awesome if only I weren’t sick. Yeah, I’m not feeling quite well right now, plus my tonsils grew bigger for some reason, so I’ve been having a hard time swallowing things. Especially at nights, I can’t even speak properly. Gah.

Other than that, I’m perfectly enjoying life. I eat lots, I play with my siblings lots (I just LOVE not leaving my brother alone hahahah he’s still so adorable!), I snuggle with my mother lots, I joke with my father lots, I see my family lots, it’s just so good to be home. Oh, my father’s super sick right now though, so that sucks.

As for my vlogging project, I haven’t started anything on it. I don’t know what I’m gonna talk about in those videos. Plus, I’m starting to over-think about basically anything (like how no one is going to watch the videos or how if people did watch the videos they would just click dislike and comment bad stuff or how stupid I would look and how lame my topics would be, etc.). But I AM going to eventually do it, though, just not now.

Also, I have not heard from Nisha Ramachandran who is supposedly in Australia since the day I left Malaysia. What.

Anyway, happy holidays again, guys! What are your plans for the holiday? (Yes, I act as if people actually read my posts. Bear with me.)

I don’t know why I like to start sentences with the word “so” when it should be used to start a conclusion.

But anyway.

So.

As I tweeted previously, I talk to myself a lot when I’m alone. Like seriously, if there was a hidden camera in my room, the person who watches the recording of me being alone in the room would be very weirded out at how much I talk to myself… And other stuff. But let’s not get into that.

Like any other student role models, what I do during final exam week is watch random videos on YouTube. Ten minutes ago, I somehow stumbled upon this video of a kid named Damon with a hair that reminds me of Justin Bieber talking about how we shouldn’t drink our problems away because it doesn’t work that way. Here’s the video:

Now, I don’t plan on doing hair-flips, but I’m thinking about making my own videos in which I will be talking about stuff. I’ve actually thought about this once here, but I never really brought that idea into realization. But now that I’m gonna have a holiday (only three weeks but that’s better than nothing), I think I’m seriously gonna do it.

I am going to embarrass myself, but do I care?

… Well yeah actually I kinda do but, you know, I should probably do it for real or I’m never gonna get anywhere in life.

Now back to studying for Issues and Ethics in the Helping Professions and Intercultural Communication exams tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Anyway. Common topic is: maturity. In many of my previous posts, I have said something about wanting to become more mature, and feeling under pressure because of what I thought I would be when I was this age is not who I am now…

Guess what? I don’t really care that much anymore.

Don’t take it the wrong way. Of course I still want to be mature, I still think it’s important. Absolutely, one day, I will have to be in the level of maturity society expects me to be. But now, I think I’ll just go along with life, without forcing myself to stop doing the things I like to do just because they seem childish.

One of my aunts once told me, “You shouldn’t rush into maturity. Enjoy the things you can now, and live your life to the fullest. It comes with time and experience, so be patient. You’ll get there.”

I agree with her. I can’t define maturity in my own words, but I definitely think that maturity does not mean to stop reading fantasy fictions or watching Japanese animated series. I think it means to see life with a different point of view–understanding being a big part of it. By understanding, I mean understanding ourselves, what our views are in life, accepting that others probably have different views. Understanding that life isn’t always about pretty colors in rainbows–sometimes it’s about the rain, the storms.

What I’m gonna do now is to just be myself and accept it and improve it in parts that I know I’m gonna do better with improvements. I know God and my family and my friends will help me be a better person.

And I’m gonna smile a lot and see life from a positive perspective, because it’s more fun that way!

I just finished re-watching the movie for one simple reason: boredom. How I deeply regret it now that I double-clicked on the 700MB video clip. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not because I hate the movie–in fact, I love it, it’s one of my favorite movies of all time. It’s just that it makes me miss my family so much, every time.

I love my family. I want them to know that much for sure. I have been in Malaysia for more than two years now, but I still can’t get through a single semester without breaking apart.There will be a time when I cry so much and I feel such pain in my heart thinking about how all my family members are so far away at home. Tonight is one of those times.

The four most important people in my life.

There are times when I feel really guilty about everything. I know that my parents love me. They love me so much, and they trust me, and they believe in me. That is why they were willing to send me kilometers away from home to study in a foreign country where I would be alone. I could be a bad girl if I wanted to. I could skip classes, I could wear provocative dresses, I could drink alcohol and eat pork, I could do so many bad things that I couldn’t do back at home because my parents were there. But no, I didn’t do any of those things, and I won’t. I am still a good girl, their first daughter who they know is trying to make them proud. But I still feel like I’m not doing good enough. I know my parents aren’t rich, they don’t have that much money, but they still give me everything I have today even though I don’t deserve it. It breaks my heart knowing that I can’t do anything for them now as of yet. There are so many things I want to do for them, but I can’t. Not now. Not yet.

And of course, there are times when I feel very thankful. I thank God every day that I am my parents’ daughter. I thank God for everything I have today. My family is the best. I really, really appreciate them. I want them to know just how much I love them even though I can’t really express it with words. Sometimes I am enveloped in a big fear that God is going to take them away from me soon. I can’t even begin to imagine how it would feel if He really took them. Every time I watch those movies in which a character loses a person who is precious to them, I just can’t hold back my tears. Please, God, not them. Not now. I can’t imagine a life without them. They are my everything, and I mean it. They are my everything.

Ya Allah, Rabbi, please keep them safe. Please keep them healthy, and happy, and please look out for them. Please don’t let anything bad happen to them. Please don’t take them away from me. Please let there be another “Hello” after every “Good bye”. Please let them understand how much they mean to me. Please let them know how much I love them.

Please love them as much as I do.

“Sometimes you have to be apart from the people you love, but that doesn’t make you love them any less. Sometimes it makes you love them more.”

- Steve Miller

I was taken aback for a moment, but not for long. Confidently, I replied, “Nope, it isn’t. Because I work hard so I deserve it.”

We both smiled, satisfied with my answer. Let’s all hope that I stay true until the end.

Have you ever had a friend, when around them you just don’t care about anything in the world anymore? You can just do anything you want and say whatever comes to your mind. That’s because you feel comfortable in your own skin in their presence. Instead of looking at you weird, your friend will join you in your madness and you both can just escape the world and swim in the ocean of fantasy. Shout things that don’t make sense. Talk about love and life and fish and rocks. Laugh until you cry.

Today was so fun.

Well. It wasn’t very fun.

Not yet.

Not now.